So I got a visit from AF today. Oh boy, did she come with a vengeance. This has got to be one of the most painful periods I have ever had, it actually made me cry it hurt so badly. I ended up taking 1 1/2 painkillers, using a heating pad and still feeling like I was gonna die.
Im not sad anymore though. I think I had spent all my time this week being sad already. I am definatly not as positive as I was last month but I am by no means giving up either. I think it was a mistake to depend on becoming pregnant last month. It was just too devistating when it didn't happen. This month I sm going to try my best, hope for the best, but not expect too much.
If I had to take any lesson away from my experience this month it would be that testing so early doesn't help anything. Sure it would be nice to get a bfp at 8DPO but the chances of that happening are so slim, and the emotional toll so great it is just not worth it. I am going to try my hardest not to test until at least 12DPO next month. I am also going to try not to think about it so much at all. I got so unbelievably stressed out and depressed this month that I can not put myself through it again.
On a more positive note, I ate pizza today, so completly unhealthy! On tuesday I am going to eat ahi tuna for dinner and drink lots of wine and get sloppy drunk, just because i can.
For right now though all i care about is feeling better and not being in so much pain.
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So sorry about AF. That's how I was last month. I had everything riding on June to be my month to get my BFP and when it didn't happen it was horrible. Right now I'm going into the second week of the tww and this month I don't really have any expectations and it's relaxing. Good luck to you in this next cycle!
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