10DPO

So it is 10:30 pm on a Wednesday night and I am soooo frustrated. I have just been so edgy and sad the last two days, I am definitely PMSing. I would love to think that it is my hormones going crazy because I am pregnant but I know better then that. This is exactly how I felt last month leading up to AF. I guess I never realized how much PMS really effected me until I started ttc. I mean I'm sure I knew that I was feeling like crap but I just never attributed it to PMS, I was never very aware of my cycles.

I am crampy and pissy and just ready to get this over with.

I have been really good this cycle about not testing so far. At this point last month I had already been testing for four days, multiple times a day! So crazy! I guess it's not that much of a victory though because last month I was 'sure' I was pg, this month I just think there is a slight possibility.

It is funny though because even though I know logically that my chances are low this month, that our timing was off, and that I shouldn't really expect a bfp. Part of me still thinks that I might. Part of me still takes every twinge and says "that's a symptom". I think my brain is battling my heart, lol.

I have decided that I will finally take a test tomorrow morning. I will be 11 DPO and that is early enough for me. I wanted to wait until 12DPO but I am growing impatient. Maybe I will try and wait, we'll see. It would probably be much better if I waited until Saturday (aka 13 DPO) not just because it would be more reliable but because if I do, by some kind of miracle, get a bfp I will most likely not finish my finals, lol.

It feels really good out here on my patio, cleansing. It is windy and warm, it almost feels tropical, or like a storm is coming.

I am happy about getting this monitor for next month and I will try it for two months, I might also temp, just to say to myself that I tried everything I could. If it doesn't happen in the next two months I think I will take a break for a month. I think it might be good for me to get away from it for a while.

Anyway this was much longer then I meant it to be.